May #5

Hey Everyone I slept late today because last night I was in the hot bed of all the british people are rich entitled snobby intellectual stereotypes (it is a stereotype in the same way that all Canadians are polite, FUCK YOUR MOTHER WE ARE NOT) Now a word about Oxford, it is a lovely town! Lovely is the word by the way not some vocabulary reach. It is nothing but pubs, canal's, students who are learning at one of the greatest symbols of higher education since clown college. That being said it is the town that houses Oxford and it looks and feels like a University town. Bustling in the daytime for the accusation of provisions and abandoned in the evening incase one could be vomited on. So I took a gig from my pal Paddy (he is a lawyer and also the only english man I have seen wear cargo shorts and make it work. Meaning he is a good man.) I am expecting a nice crowd in a small pub. Oxford is good for comedy because they are either students who can afford admission ( meaning they like comedy) or adults on dates (meaning the man likes pussy and will not heckle so he does not appear like a dick bag same goes for the lady save for her love of wang. Unless it is a lesbian couple which would be confused by the entrance of stray penis (stray penis is the name of my country album by the way) ). What I got was a security surrounded, attendee's decked out in tuxedos or dresses more costly than your house (my house is really nice and expensive). This was a college ball basically an excuse to get drunk in a field in a suit ( or as the rich call it; Parliament lol lol rofl). I arrived got a wrist band because anything to do with a university involves some sort of logistical waste of time (I was wearing a baby blue dress shirt and jeans in a coffee stain. It was obvious I was either a comedian or rowdy fence jumping groper. Either way the evening is going to end in me being shot with a taser. I stood in lines for all the free food. Had a non alcoholic drink that tasted of carrot, soda and feet. Mostly I was shocked at how confused the students looked. I always thought of Oxford as this place of the elite. Instead it was a gaggle of terrified students about to end the school year still a virgin, still without conveying their love to a friend and unable to get dad to give them the helicopter (that last was Oxford specific). I got to the tent the students are smoking in the tent because a tent is technically outside. We have a near riot getting them inside because security was too busy dealing with a problem on the slide (not joking there was a fucking slide) . Which again warmed my middle class heart. OH FUCK THESE SUPER SMART SUPER RICH KIDS JUST WANT TO SIT ON THE GROUND FOR JOKES. Show starts it was strange, it was fun, it was comedy in a tent. Which is like surgery in a pub. Fine just not really what we are looking for. But why am I sharing this story. One Oxford as a town rules and continues to impress me. Two I have been feeling depressed (no need for sympathy I have that switch in my brain and if you have not eaten in a bath robe you are not living pal) and as it turns out nothing NOTHING will snap you out of the blues like staring at a room of the elite kids and make fun of there money. Good times