May #1

Each day of May I am going to wake up and the write an update. No spelling or grammar checks SO sorry of it does not make sense we go for quantity over quality up in this bitch!


The ballad of the night bus pals:

I recently upon returning to London from a show had missed the last tube so I was left at the mercy of the unforgiving and uninspiring night-bus.


(For those of you who have never been to London here is how an even goes for 40% of the adult population each night. Drink, Drink, DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. McDonalds goes in face. Get on a bus to get on another bus to get home just before the tube opens because public transit loves irony)

I boarded my first bus it was empty and it zoomed north pausing occasionally to let on one of three options

1. Drunk human
2. Intimating man with a strut not unlike a man with one leg.
3. A Family (in England children wander around after dark. It's oddly disturbing)

Eventually I notice that my stop is coming up. I jump off. Now I do not judge and I do not stereotype but if I did I would describe the vibe of the area I got dropped in as FUCKING FRIGHTENING (I am not going to name check it but needless to say it actually is horrifying and also the home to a bunch of riots ( as in the riots started there, a gang called the riots does not live there, granted that would be awesome)

I stand at my second stop and it's 3am nothing is open except for the welcoming arms of the MOST homeless man I have ever known and I for a summer cleaned out box cars with a night stick in the 1930's. He barks something about "wood green" which is also where I am going at that moment but I do not want to get involved with this dude and end up being treated for strep throat in my ball bag after a homeless bite attack. We wait, we wait, we wait. We watch a hoard of really scary dudes begin circling in the parking lot across from us. This group of powerful gentleman where probably some sort of social club that gathers at 3:15 in the morning to admire the interior of houses ( they broke into) and had not intentions of ill will towards moi or my pal with shopping carts full of cans.

The gang grows in number and begin to slowly shift and sway in our soon to be piss stained pitch of side walk. One man breaks from the pack and sneaks behind a building. They splinter into a thousand pieces going in every direction. Suddenly lights blind myself and my brother from another type of mother (a junkie) revealing that we have been standing in front of the TFL Bus Depot and these where the morning shift drivers who I had thought where a hellish combination of the crops and bloods ( based on there uniforms). My bus arrived promptly leaving my companion Hobo Chris (not his real name) to stand on the corner and howl at the moon which he thought was a space ship.