mike wilmot a comedian who has told dick jokes in pretty much every country that knows about penises and jokes once told me that he can also count on being under appreciated in Toronto. Well last night was my first two show night of my first headlining weekend weekend we taped in for XM and for video clips. Oh there was also a record set, the amount audience members booted for being to drunk to be in a comedy club OH and the police were called twice. I feel chuffed that i was able to combat the odds and not toss the microphone into the vodka soaked faces of the masses.
But let me send this out to the human race and by human race i mean my mom and the three other people who read this blog with some regularity: We as humans are getting worse. Technology and the labor of the past generations have allowed us to sit and stare forward like spoiled children begging to be entertained in a way that does not offend or provoke thought (it should be noted that i have 10 minutes of fart jokes in a 45 minute set of jokes so thought provoke is no goal of mine but "provoke thought" makes me sound like a jackass and I LOVE sounding like a jackass). We seem to have no time to be quiet to enjoy something that does not make reference to us every thirty seconds. As a comedian I need your attention and last night it was a battle to set up a joke before being forced to call a woman a name and mock her boyfriend. When i did the reaction was simple applause from the hoople heads and jeers from those mocked.
On thursday I called a chatty kathy a stripperish woman (i had a reason) and her father who was sitting two seats over got into my face. I implied that is "father/rapist" from the fifties look would lead him to rolling a hooker into a carpet. He did not get the joke (there was no real joke but....) and spent the show mouthing threats to me while his wife clutched his leg and doubled over in laughter.
We all need to calm down fuck someone out of our league and drink to the limit of moderation. Am I going to help humanity NEGATIVE i am going to mock the downside and then light a cigarette off the blue angel queffe and punch a kitten because prop comedy might be my only ticket to fame and fortune.
I felt bitter but after reading this post i feel better, blogging is an art form of the douche but douche means to clean (no idea if that is true) and just now i feel cleansed and ready to go out and tell fart jokes 3 more times
Oh go look up nathan macintosh he is way funnier than me and i think this is year (no idea why i am plugging him it just feels right)
1 comment:
Sorry to hear about the drunk f-wads. I always wonder what these people do in the outside world. Are they just those people you see walking down the street, kicking kittens into storm drains, or do these people hold in their douche-baggery until they get drunk at a comedy club, and feel that since someone on stage is saying whatever they want, it's suddenly their turn.
It's tough to balance the desire for people to actually come out to a comedy show, with the frustration that builds when the people show up are the worst example of human beings out there.
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