Today in front of the library (I go there to pretend I have a real job and to take advantage of the mega fast internet) As I looked my bike I saw some street toughs (that is cool people talk, for teenagers, wow I am relevant!) being hassled by the 5-0 (it is okay my friends a cop so I can use that word). This lovely scene reminded me of a devil’s night (the night before Halloween) about ten years ago where I and a few other young fellows committed what could only be termed as a spree. Before I begin I am not proud of what I did but you must understood known of the fellers mentioned in this story drank, smoked or did drugs because we lived in fear of our parents. Now this may seem morally wonderful but if you do not let teenage boys do vice-filled things (masturbation only goes so far) they have to get their stupid and hormonal confusion out of their system in other ways. Hence this tail of domestic terrorism:
Now I was fourteen at the time and some fella’s and me were enjoying some poutine at a local diner, when the idea for japery struck the four of us. The prank cloud descended on our minds and hearts with a sudden thud, that thud of coarse being noise of one of my chums climbing on to the table and putting his foot down on a to go bag of fries (we were sitting outside so less disrespectful to the staff and still hilarious). We jumped up and ran gazing across the suburban expanse we all called home, we decided that this being Devil’s night we should act like devils (snare drum hit/cymbal hit and then followed by rousing applause!). We began with some light pumpkin smashing and by that I mean the we headed in a straight line from the diner we ate at down towards the main drag of our suburb (which is like 10, 12 blocks away from the starting point) and I swear to God that we snatched pumpkins from every house, smashed them and then ran like a white van full of candy had asked to see our bung holes. At some point we got soda and one of my gangland associates (not his real name) went up to window where kids were having a Halloween party and then spit soda out of his mouth onto the picture window of the house, a father chased us with his baby in one of those really odd scarf things and someone yelled “Wussies” out of window (which I felt was incorrect because we were being very daring at the time). It should be mentioned it was also an election year and we supported our right to express our libertarian views by destroying, tossing or body checking those loverly and supportive political party signs. Oh we also got our hands on a lighter and torched a bunch of leaf bags down by the river.
We began hearing sirens and changed our path smashing and grabbing as we went, my heart was pounding, one of my friends peed in a rose garden and an other suggested we buy eggs, you see humans all deal with the sudden stress of being arrested for vandalism in vastly different ways. As the hours whipped around the clock face we retired to a park to breath the air of champions while basking in the joy of committing some light misdemeanor crimes, it was at this point we were joined by some more of our fellows they came upon us giggling like a bunch of school girls. For you see they had gone to meet us at the diner about an hour after our departure and which point they followed, FOLLOWED! ONE MORE TIME I SAY THEY FOLLOWED our path of destruction, which lead them to our location. I know what you are thinking, why am I sharing this information. I don’t know either. But I do remember these dear friends; as I sat on the grass of that park listening to the list of passionate dumb we committed in a 2-hour period I was filled with joy, the joy that the police were either to busy or to slow to stop us. So remember this parents when you are calling for an increased police presence in your community, the thieves you catch, live upstairs!
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